am i the only one who rehearses things i might say in advance? and I don’t mean like my theoretical oscars acceptance speech i mean like what i’ll say to the pizza guy when I answer the door in my pjs
Today this girl in class looked different because she had straightened her hair and I told her it was so pretty and straight and she goes “unlike me”. So me thinking that she has bad self esteem, I say “don’t say that. You’re pretty.” To which she replies “oh no, im pretty. I’m just not straight.” And I shit you not my stomach still hurts from laughing too hard.
i said that
this is the legacy that i leave behind
making jokes about my sexuality
Fact: blankets keep you safe at night. We dont know what from, but they are definitely an immunity against something.
if you kill a guy who has a boner does his penis continue to be erect or what
Yes. It does actually. And when they go to the morgue to be prepared for burial, the person cleaning them up and such breaks it so it lays flat.
“So what do you do for a living?
“I put makeup on dead people and snap boners.”
it’s weird how it’s socially acceptable to put someone else’s genitals in your mouth but eating a dorito off the floor after a few seconds is gross what a fuckin double standard